Word of the Day: Heterosexism

On Thursday 3 March I attended a workshop titles "...but words DO hurt: stories from GLBTT youth." In the session a few terms / words were mentioned, most I'd heard before (like homophobia), but the one that really got to me was Heterosexism. Heterosexism, as I recall it being defined, is essentially people treating someone as straight based on the assumption they are. An example would be a man commenting, nonchalantly, about how hot a woman is to his friend he doesn't know is gay.

If you haven't guessed by now (based on my logo), I'm gay. I have lived a rather privileged life, in regards to not being teased or bullied for being gay (I tend to fall under the term for "straight acting" - I don't appear gay). Only once has someone called me a fag (just over a year ago). It hurt. The person called me that not because he knew I was gay (or suspected), but because he was lashing out and I happened to be the closest person.

Learning of the term Heterosexism, I could immediately identify with it. There have been many times, work occasions, out with new friends or friends of friends, where a somewhat innocent comment to me has hurt me; such as isn't she hot, or what do you think of her.

Homophobic terms can be easier to confront as our society begins to recognize them as terms of hate, bullying, verbal abuse, etc. Confronting someone about what they say can start a healing process, and still, to some effect keep people closeted, if that's their choice.

Heterosexism on the other hand is harder to confront. Until society is fully accepting of all sexual diversity (which may be never), what appear to be harmless comments can hurt more than the speaker knows. I do not propose any solution, as I have none, just a comment and explanation of the term.

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What makes me write this post now is based on the outcome from a post I saw on someone else's tumblr blog.
I first noticed this post: http://socal650.tumblr.com/post/4768728366/someone-asked-for-nudes-here-is-what-he-got-then

I replied to the courage of the author for confronting the person who would ask such a question (when his blog info mentions he is turning 18 soon).

I then continued to look at the comments he had on his blog, and noticed this one, which I identified with: http://socal650.tumblr.com/post/4219107686/annoyed-today-my-boy-crush-came-up-to-me-and-was-all

Annoyed! Today my boy crush came up to me and was all like “Did you notice that hot chick right next to you!? She is the hottest girl Iv’e ever seen! Did you get her number or anything? Dudee! How did you not notice her!?” In my head I was like, “oh sorry, I was too busy dreaming about you”…

This is what brings me back to the Heterosexism. I then shared with him a time I felt like that, and then term Heterosexism.

In reading his blog and the few messages we had back and forth, I can tell he is passionate about his life, but living somewhere not open to much, if any, sexual diversity.

On a side note, his tumblr blog (http://socal650.tumblr.com/) has a lot of web photos of guys - most NSFW